This is an issue I know many of us struggle with. Our kids with phones, Facebook and Twitter accounts. . .do we openly "follow" them. . .do we secretly "stalk" them. . .do we openly read their texts or posts and discuss with them???
This is our opinion, and we would love to hear yours, either way.
We have always required our kids to provide us with their passwords, so that at any given time, we have the ability to see what they are posting and learn a little more about the "friends" they are spending time with. We don't technically follow them, but we do openly "stalk" them, so if need be, and pretty rarely, we can discuss things we see that we feel are of the most importance. Are they happy about that? Of course not! But it is such a valuable parenting tool. So how do we explain it and justify it, so to speak, without jeopardizing a healthy relationship with our kids?
We have told our kids that our primary purpose at this time is raising them to honor God. As their parents, it is our responsibility to know who and what is currently influencing their thoughts and decisions, and therefore, to really have a good feel for their values and those of the friends they are spending time with. They don't necessarily like that, but I think they do understand, most of the time.
Every night at dinner, we pray as a family for hearts to honor and please God in everything we do. Everything. Every thought, word, action; every penny we spend. . .to honor God in some way, and certainly not to dishonor Him in any way. And we mean that. And if we mean that, and our primary purpose is raising our kids, and they are living under our roof and using tools we provide for them, then we need to have a measuring stick - a way to put our money where our mouth is.
Does this make sense? Is there a better way?
"...They will be called oaks or righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of His splendor." -Isaiah 61:3
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Is this really MY kid?
So what do we do with the child who just doesn't respond to everything we are doing in Jesus' name, all the Christian parenting tools we've mentioned (setting an example, being faithful in the Word and prayer)? We are frustrated and at a loss for direction. We are tired of hearing ourselves chastise and preach to them. So what else can we do?
I have heard many accounts from parents who've gone through challenges with their kids - some minor and some major, even life-threatening - and there seems to be a sure result, when we practice the love for our kids that God extends to us. When, in addition to praying for them, we show them unmistakable unconditional (agape) love - not the kind that allows them freedom to do whatever they want, but the kind that includes loving discipline, providing consequences for bad decisions and boundaries and conduct rules that will protect them from harm - well, God takes it from there.
It seems that, when parents demonstrate that kind of love (the kind that's not always easy), the rebellious attitudes and actions that often occur along the way are temporary, and well worth the ultimate strengthening of faith and even ministry that results.
Maybe when parents allow God's agape love, the natural love that a parent feels for a child, to flow through them to their children, the children are subsequently that much more capable of fully embracing the love that God has for them directly, and that much more understanding of the direct relationship their obedience has to the blessings He has in store for them being released, and just pouring out in their lives.
"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift each of you like wheat. But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. so when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen your brothers."
- Luke 22:31-32
I have heard many accounts from parents who've gone through challenges with their kids - some minor and some major, even life-threatening - and there seems to be a sure result, when we practice the love for our kids that God extends to us. When, in addition to praying for them, we show them unmistakable unconditional (agape) love - not the kind that allows them freedom to do whatever they want, but the kind that includes loving discipline, providing consequences for bad decisions and boundaries and conduct rules that will protect them from harm - well, God takes it from there.
It seems that, when parents demonstrate that kind of love (the kind that's not always easy), the rebellious attitudes and actions that often occur along the way are temporary, and well worth the ultimate strengthening of faith and even ministry that results.
Maybe when parents allow God's agape love, the natural love that a parent feels for a child, to flow through them to their children, the children are subsequently that much more capable of fully embracing the love that God has for them directly, and that much more understanding of the direct relationship their obedience has to the blessings He has in store for them being released, and just pouring out in their lives.
"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift each of you like wheat. But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. so when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen your brothers."
- Luke 22:31-32
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Whose Approval Should They Be Seeking?
Let's pray in agreement that our children know in their hearts Who is the most important One they should be trying to please or seek approval from. During the teen years, especially, it seems so important to most of them that they get approval from the "cool" kids. If they would only embrace the concept that seeking after God's approval first and daily asking His Spirit into their hearts to guide them in every thought and action will give them the confidence they need - they will exude this confidence, and be the "coolest" kids around. They will be a positive influence on their peers, rather than succombing to negative peer pressure on them. It's not easy to do that today, so they need our daily prayers for this very basic principle. Agree?
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
-Matthew 6:33
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
-Matthew 6:33
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Blown Parenting Opportunities - Is There Still Hope?
We had a conversation today about the parenting "opportunities" we are facing each and every day now, with each of our children. We reminded ourselves how crucial it is that we remain strong as "parents" and adults, ourselves, but not to allow our reactions to lash out directly from our feelings or emotions of the moment. Well, Todd was actually reminding ME of this, in a very constructive way :) Then I realized something amazing. Since we started this blog, God has not only continued to provide important challenges each day, through my oh-so-normal teenagers, but He has humbled me, as I've blown many of these opportunities to parent effectively.
After the heated exchanges, the words I wish I could take back, the unacceptable behavior I allow them to get away with. . .Todd reminded me, during this "beating myself up" period, that it's never too late to do it right the next time. Easier said than done, though. I immediately wonder if I'm capable of being that calm and focused adult, while dealing with my own issues of frustration, hurt feelings, and anger. I guess recognition of an unhealthy pattern, like any other, is always a good start. I ask myself, how have I done it right in the past? Lots of prayer, to start. And when in the moment, deep breaths of calming silence. . .and more prayer. . .before reacting. Sticking to our principles and our guns because we know it's the right thing to do. It's not easy sometimes, is it? But what kind of fruit does it bear?
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
-Proverbs 12:18
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After the heated exchanges, the words I wish I could take back, the unacceptable behavior I allow them to get away with. . .Todd reminded me, during this "beating myself up" period, that it's never too late to do it right the next time. Easier said than done, though. I immediately wonder if I'm capable of being that calm and focused adult, while dealing with my own issues of frustration, hurt feelings, and anger. I guess recognition of an unhealthy pattern, like any other, is always a good start. I ask myself, how have I done it right in the past? Lots of prayer, to start. And when in the moment, deep breaths of calming silence. . .and more prayer. . .before reacting. Sticking to our principles and our guns because we know it's the right thing to do. It's not easy sometimes, is it? But what kind of fruit does it bear?
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
-Proverbs 12:18
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Wednesday, September 29, 2010
#1 Guide for Disciplining - for example . . .squelching ugliness
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
-2 Timothy 3:16,17
-2 Timothy 3:16,17
You just can't go wrong with the #1 parenting manual. It's all there, no matter what the issue. Different parents have many different approaches and styles for instructing, encouraging and disciplining their kids - they may use different approaches for each of their kids, as we often do. Here is a method that works well for us. When an unacceptable behavioral issue arises, we research our Bible for relevant scripture (we have never been disappointed - you name the issue, and it is covered). We spend some one-on-one time with our child, give them the scripture reference(s) and have them read for themselves and then we discuss how it relates to what they are doing or how they are acting. (Of course, depending on the severity, at times this is accompanied with the loss of an applicable privilege!)
Here is a quick example. We carpool, and more often than we'd like, we hear the kids poking fun at school-mates. Sometimes it may be harmless but other times it could escalate to just plain ugliness. In any case, we want to offer them something to think about:
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
-Ephesians 4:29
This covers a variety of sinful offenses, and it is a verse we use as a regular reminder of one of our primary purposes on this Earth - to encourage others with the love of Christ.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
How do we REALLY keep Christ the central focus for teens??
Ok, I think we can all agree that keeping Christ as the central focus for our kids is of the utmost importance in keeping them on the right track. The question is, in today's world with all the distractions, how is that accomplished? As parents, what is our role? Answer: It is a continual work in progress and our role as parents must be to create new ways to inspire them, create conversation at the dinner table ( in between baseball, cheerleading, etc..) and, most importantly I think, lead by example.
The starting point for anyone should be to make God the first thought of every day. Teens can easily accomplish this by having some kind of a reminder. Maybe a note beside their bed or on the bathroom mirror so they see it every morning and they can take whatever portion of time to thank God for giving them this day and all of their blessings. Some days may allow for more time than others but the main point is to give God that first part of the day. As parents, we can set the example by our own routines and not be afraid to let our kids see us in this role. Take time in the morning (every morning) to read the bible and prayer. I made this commitment a couple of years ago and know that is has made a huge impact in my walk with Christ. My kids see it and know where they will find me every morning. I think (or I hope) it is setting an example for them.
The key is keeping God first every day. As I said above, some days may allow for more time than others (especially for teens). It is important for them to realize that so they can actually stick to the plan and look forward to it every day. They will quickly realize that putting God first in their thoughts, prayers and/or readings every day is pleasing to Him and keeps us all in His word.
"Listen to my voice in the morning, LORD. Each morning I bring my requests to You and wait expectantly. "
Psalm 5:3 (NLT)
to
The starting point for anyone should be to make God the first thought of every day. Teens can easily accomplish this by having some kind of a reminder. Maybe a note beside their bed or on the bathroom mirror so they see it every morning and they can take whatever portion of time to thank God for giving them this day and all of their blessings. Some days may allow for more time than others but the main point is to give God that first part of the day. As parents, we can set the example by our own routines and not be afraid to let our kids see us in this role. Take time in the morning (every morning) to read the bible and prayer. I made this commitment a couple of years ago and know that is has made a huge impact in my walk with Christ. My kids see it and know where they will find me every morning. I think (or I hope) it is setting an example for them.
The key is keeping God first every day. As I said above, some days may allow for more time than others (especially for teens). It is important for them to realize that so they can actually stick to the plan and look forward to it every day. They will quickly realize that putting God first in their thoughts, prayers and/or readings every day is pleasing to Him and keeps us all in His word.
"Listen to my voice in the morning, LORD. Each morning I bring my requests to You and wait expectantly. "
Psalm 5:3 (NLT)
to
Hope for Our Teens
"He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge."
- Proverbs 14:26
Teenage years can certainly be considered a major frontier era in our lives. It is during this time, transitioning between childhood and adulthood, that we are faced with a multitude of crucial decisions. . .decisions which may lead to experiences, good or bad, that will frame our future.
If Christ is a central focus, with an understanding of why He came and what He did for all of us, a young life may be lived with focus and purpose. This understanding helps us know how to truly care about others, how to be a real friend, and how to make wise decisions and healthy choices. The emptiness that many of us and our teens may feel, at one time or another, will be satisfied continually, by living in Christ and keeping Him in our hearts.
Doubts are transformed into faith when we simply choose to believe. Christ lived and died so that we could be saved from our sins and inherit life, a real life here on Earth and an eternal life with God, as His blessed children. When we earnestly ask Christ into our hearts, the grace of God takes over. Negative feelings are truly transformed, as a result of the Holy Spirit taking control of our thoughts, word, and actions. His fruit begins pouring forth, providing us with confidence in our battles against the twisted messages of the world.
The greatest gift we can give our children is the opportunity to know Him now and to live a purposeful life right from the start. The purpose to know and please God, share Jesus' love, and glorify and praise Him in everything will fill us and them with a joy and peace nothing else can touch. Of course our children will have troubles and heartaches, but we can be thankful Jesus is by their side; with Him they will respond to those issues with grace and wisdom, and their lives will be enriched by those experiences, rather than haunted by regrets. My heart bursts with that hope; and I pray our children's relationships with God will continue to grow so they can each be acutely aware of their gifts and the purpose of their lives, for His glory. . .from their teenage years forward.
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- Proverbs 14:26
Teenage years can certainly be considered a major frontier era in our lives. It is during this time, transitioning between childhood and adulthood, that we are faced with a multitude of crucial decisions. . .decisions which may lead to experiences, good or bad, that will frame our future.
If Christ is a central focus, with an understanding of why He came and what He did for all of us, a young life may be lived with focus and purpose. This understanding helps us know how to truly care about others, how to be a real friend, and how to make wise decisions and healthy choices. The emptiness that many of us and our teens may feel, at one time or another, will be satisfied continually, by living in Christ and keeping Him in our hearts.
Doubts are transformed into faith when we simply choose to believe. Christ lived and died so that we could be saved from our sins and inherit life, a real life here on Earth and an eternal life with God, as His blessed children. When we earnestly ask Christ into our hearts, the grace of God takes over. Negative feelings are truly transformed, as a result of the Holy Spirit taking control of our thoughts, word, and actions. His fruit begins pouring forth, providing us with confidence in our battles against the twisted messages of the world.
The greatest gift we can give our children is the opportunity to know Him now and to live a purposeful life right from the start. The purpose to know and please God, share Jesus' love, and glorify and praise Him in everything will fill us and them with a joy and peace nothing else can touch. Of course our children will have troubles and heartaches, but we can be thankful Jesus is by their side; with Him they will respond to those issues with grace and wisdom, and their lives will be enriched by those experiences, rather than haunted by regrets. My heart bursts with that hope; and I pray our children's relationships with God will continue to grow so they can each be acutely aware of their gifts and the purpose of their lives, for His glory. . .from their teenage years forward.
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